I mentioned radical honesty in my last post. I’m going to expand on it in this post. It is a principle by Brad Blanton wherein the person practicing it is absolutely honest with everyone about what he thinks and feels plus about facts of the past. The facts in the past being secrets that are weighing down on the person.
When you let go of these secrets, you let go of a part of your personality which was acting like a mind-made prison. It is a different type of freedom. It may be very hard for you, in the beginning, you may have to die (metaphorically) and be reborn when you choose to pull the band-aid. It can be very hard to come clean with loved ones. But sooner or later, you will realize that it was for the better as now the people love you (if they do) for who you really are, not for some version that you try so hard to be.
When you let go of the secrets and the identity that you are constantly trying to live up to, you release an enormous amount of energy that manifested itself as anxiousness in your behavior. Now, you will be free and you’ll also be able to use this energy for creative purposes (such as writing a blog ;P).
Right now, I’m just beginning to come clean. This actually marks my beginning. If you can’t do it all at once, begin slowly and start getting more and more real every day. You will build momentum and the confrontations that used to scare you will become less daunting. Start being honest with acquaintances, then come to your friends, then finally come to your family.
With each circle, the difficulty increases and so does the payoff. Don’t wait for the perfect moment when you muster up enough courage to be completely honest, start right now, however and to whatever degree you can, build momentum, it all adds up.
There is one more strategy I learned from another book that will help in this situation. When you have to have difficult conversations with people, visualize these conversations ahead of time. Make them as clear and realistic as you can. Make the reactions of the other persons as bad as you can, so you’re prepared for the worst. Repeat this visualization again and
again till their reactions bother you much less than they initially did. Also, don’t unnecessarily build the pressure, use momentum. Be real.
There is one last level with this radical honesty thing, but that is too much for me to explain. I recommend you read the book for that purpose. This is not a sales technique, it really is hard for me to explain and I’d rather not miscommunicate the author’s message.
This will help you in dealing with shame. Shame is a very negative emotion that holds you back, make you feel bad about yourself. You reduce your shame when you share. You will realize that facts are facts and the past doesn’t define you. You took some action that you thought right in that moment. You’re alive and so you change with time. Only the dead are consistent.
Be Real, Be Honest, Be Alive.
To your freedom. Your man