My Beginning With Radical Honesty

I mentioned radical honesty in my last post. I’m going to expand on it in this post. It is a principle by Brad Blanton wherein the person practicing it is absolutely honest with everyone about what he thinks and feels plus about facts of the past. The facts in the past being secrets that are weighing down on the person.

When you let go of these secrets, you let go of a part of your personality which was acting like a mind-made prison. It is a different type of freedom. It may be very hard for you, in the beginning, you may have to die (metaphorically) and be reborn when you choose to pull the band-aid. It can be very hard to come clean with loved ones. But sooner or later, you will realize that it was for the better as now the people love you (if they do) for who you really are, not for some version that you try so hard to be.

When you let go of the secrets and the identity that you are constantly trying to live up to, you release an enormous amount of energy that manifested itself as anxiousness in your behavior. Now, you will be free and you’ll also be able to use this energy for creative purposes (such as writing a blog ;P).

Right now, I’m just beginning to come clean. This actually marks my beginning. If you can’t do it all at once, begin slowly and start getting more and more real every day. You will build momentum and the confrontations that used to scare you will become less daunting. Start being honest with acquaintances, then come to your friends, then finally come to your family.

With each circle, the difficulty increases and so does the payoff. Don’t wait for the perfect moment when you muster up enough courage to be completely honest, start right now, however and to whatever degree you can, build momentum, it all adds up.

There is one more strategy I learned from another book that will help in this situation. When you have to have difficult conversations with people, visualize these conversations ahead of time. Make them as clear and realistic as you can. Make the reactions of the other persons as bad as you can, so you’re prepared for the worst. Repeat this visualization again and
again till their reactions bother you much less than they initially did. Also, don’t unnecessarily build the pressure, use momentum. Be real.

There is one last level with this radical honesty thing, but that is too much for me to explain. I recommend you read the book for that purpose. This is not a sales technique, it really is hard for me to explain and I’d rather not miscommunicate the author’s message.

This will help you in dealing with shame. Shame is a very negative emotion that holds you back, make you feel bad about yourself. You reduce your shame when you share. You will realize that facts are facts and the past doesn’t define you. You took some action that you thought right in that moment. You’re alive and so you change with time. Only the dead are consistent.

Be Real, Be Honest, Be Alive.

To your freedom. Your man

– Vik

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Live Here, Now

Morals make you dead. Morals belong to the past. If you start clinging to your morals, you start rejecting life for what it is and get depressed over what it should be and isn’t. Morals create a fixed image of you that you try to live up to even though it may be detrimental to you.

The problem is that a certain way of being served you in the past and you cling to it for security and certainty. This doesn’t allow you to grow or live in the present. You are
constantly trying to be a certain person while ignoring your existence as it is or worse still struggling against it.

You can’t step in the same river twice. (Not my line, paraphrased, credits to Heraclitus)

Morals make you dead. A better alternative?

Working Principles. These are essentially morals but with a big difference, the possibility for change. While Morals are sacrosanct to you as told to you by society, working principles
are not. They change. They change when, you guessed it, they don’t work.

This is a part of being ruthless. You are ready to change any aspect of yourself if you find that it is not working, even your principles. When your principles are changeable, you become adaptable. Being adaptable is essential for survival.

You know what happened to the species that could not adapt to the changing environment during evolution? You guessed it again, they are all extinct. Adaptation is an important part of life. It allows you to live in the present.

Beware, I’m not saying that you change your principles at the drop of a hat, then you’ll be worse. But create a balance of stillness and fluidity. Don’t become blind to your senses just because your mind says so. Mind is a good slave, but a very bad master. It is there to simplify your life not to create additional stress which is what most people use it for.

Don’t cling, be like water (Bruce Lee). Change. Adapt. Live Here, Now.

A good book on this topic is Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton. Do check it out.

Your man

-Vik